Wake Up To Courage4Life!
This week's Courage4Life is about LONELINESS.
Loneliness usually hits everyone at some point in their life. It can be brought on by a variety of situations eg. the breakdown of a marriage, the loss of a close friend, moving to a new area, having a baby and not being able to spend the same amount of time with friends as you used to, and also getting a new job or going to a new school and not quite knowing how to join a new circle of people. It can even be caused by social separation in the early years of child development. Those are just a few examples. There are many more.
Although all of these situations are very real, we must remember that is what they are - "situations", and these can pass or change and in fact we can learn a lot from them and use them to make our life very productive and much more self-assured when dealt with in the right way.
Common "symptoms" of loneliness may include:
Deliberate separation from other human beings
Dependence on substances such as alcohol, drugs or prescription medicines
Feelings of hopelessness which stunt our emotional and spiritual growth
Anger towards people who appear to be capable and sociable
Inability to bring structure to our lives
Depressive illness
Inability to form meaningful relationships
An unhealthy attitude towards interaction
Eating disorders
Feeling that no one really understands our depth of loneliness
Low self-esteem
These are simply a few suggestions of symptoms. You will know your own personal difficulties. I'm quite happy to hear from you regarding what you are feeling. Not only will it help me understand loneliness better. It will also help me to encourage others who are experiencing your symptoms.
The good news is that loneliness can be overcome although it is most likely to be a progressive rather than instant change in a person's life, because there are no 'quick fixes'. There are physical and spiritual approaches to the feelings of loneliness, so let's have a look at those now.
Do you know that God did not plan on loneliness being a part of life. There will be times of being 'alone by choice' or choosing to 'take time out' from everyday life, but loneliness is a different thing altogether.
Remember in Genesis chapter 2, when God was creating the world we live in, He said He would make 'a helper' for the man so he would not have to live without the companionship of another person. We are created to interact.
Social connection should be second nature to us but sometimes we find ourselves alienated.
But we were created in the image of God ( Genesis 1:27) which means that as well as having a physical body we also have a 'spirit'. Now the truth is, we seem quite capable of taking care of the physical needs of our bodies but so often neglect the spirit, which is in fact the part of us that needs to be fed and nurtured ( spiritually speaking).
Now if we neglect the nurturing of our spirit we are certain to live a life which does not come up to our expectations. I mean, a body can only eat SO many boxes of chocolates before they stop hitting the spot!!
Our spirit is designed to work in accordance with the Spirit of God and if we have never invited Him to live within us, we are sure to experience emptiness, a dissatisfaction and loneliness.
There is NOTHING on this earth that can fill the God-shaped void of our spirit. Many people try. They usually become addicted to alcohol, drugs, materialistic possessions, a hermit lifestyle, to name but a few. But the void inside of us is not designed to house worldly or carnal things.
That void, that emptiness you feel, was designed to be a place where God would dwell.
Please take a moment to allow those words to rest upon your pain.
That's right. That emptiness you feel. That wanting and crying out and tearing apart you feel is your spirit searching for the God who created you.
 The practical side of dealing with loneliness takes many forms. Here are a few suggestions to help you feel less alienated and more integrated in society.
Find a local group that does something you enjoy eg, reading, walking, playing chess, dancing, outdoor pursuits etc.
If you don't know where these groups usually meet, call or visit your local library. They usually hold details of community activities. Or look in your local newspaper for 'what's on' where you live.
Or there's always good old Google! Just type in your favourite thing to do and your area and hit the 'search ' button. If you feel unable to do this yourself, please call me and I will try to help you.
You may find the following checklist helpful. It should help you determine in greater detail your personal areas of need.
1. Try to establish when you feel most lonely eg, are there certain times of day when the feeling is more obvious to you. If so, try to find an activity that will cover this difficult time for you.
2. Do you feel better on a one to one basis or do you see yourself as part of a gathering or crowd of people?
3. Have you thought of calling or writing to your local churches requesting a visit from one of their pastoral teams? You may be surprised and find that one of the church members lives in your street!
4. Do you know when your feeling of loneliness began? Was it following a bereavement, separation, house move, birth of a baby, prolonged illness that stopped you from being able to socialize or integrate as you normally would? Try to pinpoint the event. It may very well be that help from a counselor will get you back on track quicker than you think.
I am happy to try to help you. I have been involved in counseling, particularly Christian counseling, for many years. I believe Christian counseling to be very productive because it can lead to people having a whole life change, rather than just a change of thinking or feeling.
(Please do not misunderstand me here. I have no problem with 'regular' non-Christian counseling. In fact I had some myself only a few weeks ago and it helped me greatly)
What I really want to emphasize here is that although these practical appraisals and activities will be a major part of your 'emerging' from your loneliness, it is the spiritual part of this advice that will make deep, lasting change to your life. God, your creator, understands more fully than anyone else how you are feeling right now. He knows what you've been through, what you're going through and where you're heading.
He longs to take you to a much more settled position in your life but He can't do that until you give your life to Him and trust Him to be your guide and helper, not just for now, but for all time.
If you would like to do that then I will lead you through what to do next.
 First of all, realize and acknowledge that God loves you and gave His son Jesus to die for you so that you could have fulfilled life on earth and eternal life in heaven. He wants to take away all of the 'stuff' in your life that is not healthy or beneficial to you. We've all done things, thought things or been involved in things that do not measure up to God's Word or His will for our lives. Even those things can leave us feeling alienated and isolated because we can't seem to move on from them.
Remember God's plan for His people is to be part of a bigger family and have interaction and fellowship with other people.
God never intended for us to be lonely.
Thank God for this moment in your life and also thank Him for the opportunity to begin to change things for the better.
When you feel ready to ask God to become the master planner in your life, say this prayer out loud.
Heavenly Father, thank You for caring for me and understanding my loneliness. I realize I cannot live my life without You in it because only You know me completely and see my future.
I'm sorry I've not lived my life Your way. Forgive me for everything I've ever thought, said or done that does not measure up to Your Word or You will for my life. I accept Your son Jesus as my Saviour and ask that You will help me every day from this moment onwards. I want to live my life trusting You. I ask you to strengthen me and help me with these feelings of loneliness. Guide me to the people who can help me begin to live a better quality of life. Be near me in Jesus name. Amen.
If you have said that prayer with a sincere heart, you are now a Christian and a member of a very big family of people. WELCOME!
I'd like to encourage you to find a local church where you can meet other Christians who will help you as you begin your new life. You may not feel you can do that right away but make it a 'target' to aim for. If you need help with this please contact me.
Don't forget, the practical side of your life is still very important. It will take time to feel strong in your mind, body and spirit. Don't rush yourself. Enjoy the feeling of healing!!
Finally, can I just remind you of one very important thing:
God did not create you to be lonely. The void inside of you was designed to be a place where God would dwell.
Psalm 68:6 says, "God sets the lonely in families."
Oh how I thank God for His love and care.
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Recognizing and dealing with FEAR!
What did you wake up to this morning? ( Personally I woke up to snoring, no duvet and a pile of cat sick on the floor, and I wasn't responsible for any of it!)
Perhaps you felt as if you hadn't been asleep at all. Or maybe you couldn't settle into a good sleep because you were waiting for a partner, spouse or child to come home.
The 'fear of whatever' often acts as our alarm clock. And isn't it effective!
A great majority of the world's population is waking up to challenging circumstances. Not just today, but every day.
( I find just the act of waking up a challenge!)
But even young children are showing signs of trauma and stress these days. In an age when it seems we can get almost everything we want at the touch of a button, individuals, families, communities and nations are falling apart and falling into the trap of 'buying now and paying later'.
And I don't just mean in a monetary sense, eg buy your washing machine today and you don't have to pay for it 'til it's clapped out and needing replaced again!!
Bad, hasty or selfish decisions are part of a root that grows up into rebellion, confusion, desperation and fear.
I heard on the news one evening of a woman who 'helped' her husband to fake his own death. The whole episode went on for about four years ( not the episode of the news! That was over in about half an hour!) As things began to spiral out of control she said she became so afraid of the consequences that she just had to keep up the pretense, but at times that led her to feeling suicidal.
There are two things I would like us to take note of here:
1. Everything she was doing was driven by fear.
2. She had no obvious regard for the purpose of her own life
I wonder how she felt when she woke up each morning. Some people may think it must have taken a lot of courage to do that for her husband. To try to keep the path clear for this outrageous journey. To have to keep thinking up fresh new lies that could cover the lies from the previous day, week or month.
Can you imagine how heavy that burden would be? Always covering your tracks. Making sure you never once slip out one word that will give the game away.
She was literally driven by fear. It was fear that made her drag her body out of bed each day and opt for 'More of the same!'
As far as I know she did not have anyone or anything from which to glean or gather courage. She just continued to be driven by fear. She kept walking on a path that would only lead to a dead end road.
Do you know any people like that? Waking up and going nowhere? Are YOU caught up in a situation where every day seems to take you further from where you want to be? But you're afraid to make changes.
Think about the following two sentences carefully:
1. Fear is an emotional response to threat and danger.
2. It is a survival mechanism which is fired up by external threats and specific negativity.
Just think about that for a couple of minutes before you read on.
Think about what drives you to do the things you do.
Has fear become so familiar to you that you don't really know what it would feel like to be free?
What did YOU wake up to this morning?
I know that everyone who reads this will have their own scenarios and their own ideas. I realize that some of you will still feel afraid to waken up in the morning and face the life you have. And I know how hard it can be to turn things around, so I need to take this all in as well.
When I think of waking up to fear it reminds me of when I was very small and still sleeping in a cot.We lived on a small island and so the sea, the beach, fishing and all of those things were just part of life. But I remember I woke up in the night thinking there were loads of sea creatures at the bottom of my cot. I especially remember a big red crab who seemed to stare at me with round black eyes. I began to cry. Very loudly! Then dad came and picked me up and took me into bed with him and mum. Of course I soon stopped crying. The fear was gone.
So many people today don't realize there is a place of safety'. And if YOU are one of those people who live in fear and don't know how to get off that ever-spinning roundabout, just read on.
I believe one of the main factors in the breakdown of people's lives today is a distinct lack of Christian courage.I also believe, and I think the proof of this is seen in the way the world is descending into darkness, the people really do NOT have any regard for the purpose of their own lives.
Why Christian courage, I hear you say.
Let me explain.
Courage is the ability to confront fear in the face of pain, danger, uncertainty or intimidation.
There's no denying that that is a great tool, a fine weapon, a strong shield.
Christian courage, on the surface, appears very similar. But there's one big difference which, if grasped, could change the way you live your life.
Christian courage is not about our endeavours. Its not even about US!. It's about God's strength walking us through each day. It's about the Man behind the manifestation of courage. I've seen many people engulfed in fear, their faces ashen and drawn. I've seen how fear can make people talk harshly and defensively as if unaware that they may be hurting someone's feelings with the way they talk. I've also seen fear leave people silent, almost dumb, unable to voice their opinions or desires. But I've also seen those same people gives their lives to God, begin to seek HIS plan for their lives and become truly courageous and driven. But with God in their lives there is also a new found joy and affirmation.
That's why we must have the utmost regard for the purpose of our own lives. If we are trying to live life OUR way, we will know failure and fear. If we put our lives in God's hands, we can be free. That doesn't mean 'no trials'. But it does mean 'many triumphs'!
Let's look at a few verses from Matthew chapter 14.
Jesus walks on the water.
22. Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of Him to the other side, while He dismissed the crowd. 23. After He had dismissed them. He went up on a mountainside by Himself to pray. When evening came, He was there alone. 24. The boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.
25. During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake.
26. When the disciples saw Him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.
27. But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."
28. "Lord, if it's You," Peter replied, "tell me to come to You on the water."
29."Come," He said.
And Peter got out of the boat, walked on the water and went towards Jesus.
What I noticed there was this:
1. Jesus was ALREADY AWARE that there was a storm coming. ( He knows what is lying ahead in YOUR life too.)
2. He went out to the men in a way that showed His power. ( Although the sea was rising and could have capsized the boat, Jesus walked on the water in total command of the situation)
3. The men were fearful. (Storms are scary!!!!!)
4. Jesus IMMEDIATELY set their minds at rest. ( He has such a way with words!!!)
5. Peter showed APPREHENSION. ( It's ok to be apprehensive folks!!)
6. Jesus showed ENCOURAGEMENT. ( a wonderful antidote to fear!!)
7. And Peter got out of the boat, walked on the water and went to meet Jesus. His fear had subsided and been replaced by faith. He began to walk, quite literally, with a courage that came from the Lord!!
Now, I can see your mind ticking over and you're wondering why you need to be encouraged to walk on water!! Not quite, but pretty close!!
First of all, recognize that, even though we have no idea what tomorrow might bring, Jesus knows if there's a storm brewing! He is an excellent forecaster!
Jesus not only showed His power to the men but He used THEIR PLATFORM to demonstrate it. The men were fishermen. They were FAMILIAR with the sea. But they were also FEARFUL of it!!
But Jesus immediately set their minds at rest.
Notice this:
He didn't start ironing out the waves at this point, or blowing the wind in the other direction. ( He could if He wanted to of course!)
No,he spoke something very positive and affirming to them. And that put their minds at rest. Have you ever noticed how hard it is to take in information when your head is full of chaos, fear, worries, keeping up with appointments and responsibilities.......the list is endless.
The mind is very powerful. It is the place where all fears, phobias, discouragement, confusion and all negative thoughts live and THRIVE!
Jesus, in His infinite wisdom ( He knows the mind, heart and life of everyone) knew exactly how they were feeling.
They were fearful.
So He quickly dismissed the fear which left their minds free to begin to absorb wholesome, positive, affirming thoughts.
We have a choice in what our minds stay mindful of! We can get hurt, we can be plagued with guilt. We can convince ourselves that we are so sure we are right and all the others are wrong so our minds cannot be shifted by mere mortal guidance.
Courage for life means change, which comes by way of encouragement and continues by our hearts and lives being committed to God through Jesus Christ.
Jesus said, 'Come'.
Personally I'm so glad He said that and I heard it. You see, when you have an experience with Jesus, just like I said before, your courage changes from being inconsistent, humanly measured courage into the Supernatural, God-breathed, storm-surviving, triumphant courage that can even cause you to walk all over the thing that scares or troubles you the most!
I've read those words over and over and every time I do I see a vision of myself stepping out of my fear and onto the very things that has held me in that fear for so long. I experience Christian courage through giving my life to Jesus. That wonderful courage that comes from standing up and taking Jesus at His Word, then walking in the miraculous power of His presence.
I'd like you to read this again when you have a leisurely moment with a cuppa! Think about yourself. Assess your life. Write down anything that makes you fearful, even the small things which you think are insignificant. Everything matters to Jesus!
Then say this short prayer:
Jesus, I believe You are who You say You are. You are the son of God, who created me and knows all about me and my life. I rebuke every fear I have in Jesus Name. I invite Godly courage to pervade my life. Help me Lord as I strive to change my mindset. As I strive to replace all my negative thoughts with pure, Holy and anointed thoughts that will make me stronger, more courageous and fulfilled. In Jesus Name. Amen.
And PS God. If the cat really has to be sick could you make it not blend in with the carpet so I have more chance of seeing it before it gets between my toes!!!
Please feel free to contact me to let me know how this article made you feel.
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©www.thesoulcentre.co.uk 2008
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